Do I Have To Be In Control To Heal?

Do I Have To Be In Control To Heal?


Do I Have To Be In Control To Heal?Have you ever felt the need to control things in order to be safe, healthy, and for things to go well?

Believe me, I’ve been there! I felt I needed to control my environment, my supplements, and my protocols, or I would never be healthy. But, as you know, that can be an exhausting battle! It’s a no-win battle, actually, as it’s utterly impossible to control other people.

And sure, you can have control of your supplements and protocols, but are they turning into a crutch that you HAVE to have or you don’t feel safe?

The “Take Control Of Your Health” Belief System

Many are familiar with the phrase “take control of your health,” but is your body really something that should be controlled? It’s so much better to reframe that belief by saying, “I’ll take back my power by listening to my body.”

This belief that you must take control of your health/body almost makes it into a bad/good situation, where if you can’t control your health or different things, you lose. This mentality is just no good for anyone.

Hearing this belief my whole life, when I would “fail” in my health attempts (like a Herxheimer reaction, or if I couldn’t take a certain supplement in one of Jini’s protocols) I would think I was not good enough. I would instantly blame myself for not doing/trying good enough, and that’s why I wasn’t healing!

Here’s what I learned: you can be doing all the right things and still have symptoms.

Why? Because pain, symptoms, and side effects are all there for a reason! The more you muzzle them by pushing them down/away, ignoring your body’s messages, and/or guilt-tripping yourself like I did for having them in the first place, the more they push back!

Also, the emotional components of my UC were not being addressed at that time, so heaping guilt onto myself about why things weren’t working probably made me even sicker.

self-loveThis all reminds me of the time Jini mentioned to me that she doesn’t like the phrase “warriors” when used in regards to your health. It implies that you are in a battle against your body, when in actuality, your body is always advocating for you. Instead of fighting against your body, which works so hard for you, why not try listening to your body, remaining present, and just being there with it?

Let It Go

If you haven’t guessed already, I used to talk pretty harshly to myself, creating very negative beliefs. I thought that if I did this it would make me a stronger person, but instead, it was crushing me. It was crushing to be constantly torn down by negative self-talk.

Another obstacle of mine (for years) was letting go. I was told by countless doctors and practitioners to just “let it go” – whether it was an upsetting situation, health struggle, a reaction of some sort, etc. Again, the implication was I was causing my own suffering by not letting it go! Which made me more frustrated because I wanted to let it go, but couldn’t seem to.

The problem is, until you learn healthy tools like meditation or Jini’s Lazer tapping, you probably can’t let it go – which is exactly what happened to me. It wasn’t until I found tapping that I could actually emotionally and physically let go of things and experiences. It had nothing to do with my motivation because I was so sick I tried everything. I was willing to do anything I felt comfortable with to get results.

Here’s the thing: You can’t really demand someone just let something go, especially if it’s been wired into your brain and cells.

So, sitting there and trying to force yourself to let something go, just won’t work! This is especially true with trauma.

Think about how you got traumatized in the first place. It wasn’t by sitting with your thoughts. It was an experience, so if the memory of that experience is stuck in your body “talk therapy’ alone isn’t going to release it!

This “you have to let go or you won’t heal” idea hindered me for a while. I wanted it so badly but couldn’t seem to get there. It wasn’t until I came across a new concept, which I’ll share with you in a moment, that I realized WHY trying to force myself to let something go wasn’t working.

frictionHere’s an analogy I created to explain what I realized: think about what happens when you force something. When something is forced, it creates friction.  When we force healing, especially trying to drop emotional baggage, the “friction” can be the resistance that comes up. The trauma re-engages. Of course, resistance can be viewed as a positive thing, to know what you need to work on next and give much-needed insight.

But, you do not want to force healing that re-traumatizes you! That’s what happens when you try to force it. If you are trying to release trauma by force, you get re-traumatized by that “forcing” – it does no good.

This can be a challenge because almost everyone is eager to heal, but it can’t be rushed. There could be many reasons why you’re not ready to heal, but oftentimes it can come down to something as simple as timing.

As I healed my physical body layer by layer, the emotional roots emerged too. I learned the hard way to address these issues layer by layer – not at all once! It was too much for me to handle, and it actually hurt me more than it healed me to try to do so. Be proactive about addressing that emotional component, but proceed gently, never rush or force anything. Take one thing at a time.

A New Concept To “Letting Go”

Now I will share with you a concept that helped me a lot. It may sound silly at first, but give it a chance!

Let go of the idea of letting go.

At first, I did not understand this, but after a while, it sank in. All that brainwashing I had of, “you have to let go” went right out the window, and I felt so relieved! No more draining and beating up myself for not able to release something.

To clarify, yes we do want to let things go – and yes it is great for healing. But if you fall too deep into this thought pattern of forcing “letting go” you’ll be miserable forever! You have to address your trauma, accept it, and release it in a healthy medium (like meditation or Lazer Tapping), but you should NEVER force it. Feel it and take your time working through it until you are ready – and then choose acceptance.

let it goI could learn to accept that “X” symptom I was dealing with as an adverse reaction to a supplement was not something I’d have to get rid of. I could sit with it and take practical measures (of course) to help relieve the severity, but I no longer felt this crazy fear-induced “need” to control. And once I let go of the idea of letting go, things naturally started to let go as I meditated and tapped.

Again, there wasn’t a restrictive, forcing energy anymore, so things could naturally take place. And how freeing this all was!

Jini’s Thoughts On Safety And Control

Jini has a great blog post and video on increasing feelings of safety and resilience in which you tap along with her, and it’s fantastic! In one part of the video, she mentions something to the effect of, What if I don’t have to control things and instead I can be safe by being resilient?

This beautiful video can help open your eyes as to how to actually let go of the control – and let be!

Have you found this blog or my other ones helpful? If so please let me know! And let me know if there is any particular topic you’d like me to address that may be helpful to you.





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